I fought the law, and the law won The Clash
As a serious comedian (a true oxymoron if I’ve ever heard one), I’ve always had a favorite pet phrase. If I heard somebody say it, I knew where my next joke was coming from. That phrase is “But it seemed like such a good idea at the time.” Of course it seemed like a good idea, or they wouldn’t have done it in the first place. What they keep forgetting is that they were under the influence of 11 Buds and 3 jello shots at the time that they decided that it would be a good idea to moon that cop car from the window of the bus.
Donald Trump has spent his entire adult life flouting the law. Criminal law, civil law, tax law, social laws, it’s all the same to him. But none of them apply to him, because he’s rich, he’s powerful, and he’s smarter than anybody else. Yeah, right, and I taught Brad Pitt everything he knows about acting. But there’s one law that actually applies to Trump, and it’s the same one that the idjit keeps tripping over like a pair of untied shoe laces. And that’s the law of unintended consequences.
Donald Trump shut down portions of the federal government. He did it even though he didn’t need to. He did it simply because he literally has no idea of what the federal government actually does. And that slobbering battalion of fools wearing MAGA hats cheered him on simply because they don’t have the vaguest idea of what the federal government does either.
But they’re learning, and fast. In fact, they’re coming damn close to having a near-death epiphany. On Friday, a MSNBC reporter was interviewing the “little people” about the effects of the “Trump Shutdown,” and one of them actually said, “I support President Trump. I voted for him. And I think he’s doing a lot of good things. But I think he’s making a mistake. He’s hurting the wrong people.”
I looked that phrase up in the official Trump-English guide, and what it translates to is :Hey!
That stupid bastard is actually hurting me!” Really? Well, take a bow, fool. You honestly thought that a guy who was a millionaire by the time he was 8 years old actually has the slightest idea of what it’s like to be you? News flash. Life sucks, get a helmet.
Make no mistake about it, Trump is now officially hurting his base. In another couple of weeks, Trumpaholics are going to have trouble feeding their kids, because food stamp benefits are going to have to be cut. Puddleheads with “Build that wall!” bumper stickers on their tractors can’t apply for government subsidies to help them take the sting out of the Trump Tariffs because the USDA is shut down.Sam and Suzy Screwemall are gonna get kicked out of their rent assisted apartments because Ben Carson was too busy looking at dining room sets to renew the HUD contracts, and now that department is shuttered.And Preston Whiteshoes is furious because the TSA security line at the Palm Springs airports now up to an hour and a half. These people voted for Trump because they were sick and tired of being shit on by the government, and now they’re getting shit on by Trump. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
But, but, but. It seemed like such a good idea at the time! It seemed like such a good idea at the time because Trump is, at his core, a con man. And any good bunco cop will tell you that the easiest mark in the world is a con man. Because his first con was convincing himself that he’s so much smarter than the rubes. Which makes him the biggest rube of all.
Trump shut down the government because his brothers and sisters in the international-fraternity-of-bait-and-switchers, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham, and Ann Coulter, told him that he would lose his precious base if they didn’t finally get their wall.Really?!? Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, before the 2016 election, Trombies were already telling reporters that they knew that the damn wall would never be built, but they loved the way that it sounded. And Hannity, Ingraham, Limbaugh and Coulter knew that they loved the way that it sounded. So they bought into the lie whole hog. It became their mantra too, to show their listeners that they knew where they were coming from. They built the wall bigger, longer, and stronger than even Glorious Bleater did, to keep their listeners riveted, and to sell their crappy books. And when they started to hear grumbling from listeners, they put the hurt on Trump to keep the gravy train rolling.
So, portions of the United States government are shut down over a stupid campaign slogan. Real people are suffering real pain, and paying real consequences over the greed and egos of a bunch of pompous baboons. And there is no “off ramp.” Because the right wing talking heads purposely pushed Trump’s paranoid panic button with talk of losing his overrated base. He can’t back down for fear of losing his ego stuffing base. And the con men who played him for the ultimate sucker can’t give him an out either, because his mob is their mob too. Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.
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