Once upon a time a foul Stygian presence defiled the People’s House for 674 days and counting. And lo, the heavens opened up and showered down their wrath and soon all the trees were covered in blood and all went silent at the sight. Except for Twitter, who guffawed.
Lady Melania wanted to send a message.
"Take the blood of my enemies and paint the trees. Send it to the village for the Winter Harvest Festival as warning. Let no one ever cross me again. Be Best."
"Be Best, my Lady," the underling replied and scurried away. pic.twitter.com/WXkj6ygfBN
— Oliver Willis (@owillis) November 26, 2018
Maybe this was what inspired her: pic.twitter.com/8FZxBnDfiu
— Judith Sanders (@nazani14) November 26, 2018
— Pat X (@redsnoopystock) November 27, 2018
— Vinny Marino (@vinny_the_hack) November 27, 2018
— Rhonda Flame Johnson (@comancheria1) November 27, 2018
Well, the trees are trashy and creepy, so they’re totally Trumpian. Gotta give credit for consistency of theme, here.
According to a White House source, Melania oversaw the decorations, giving "sparse instructions in a quiet, froggy voice that seemed to emanate from her crooked finger." #Redrum
— Suave Hellion (@HeWhoLovesWords) November 26, 2018
Yes! These PC jerks getting all upset when I wish them a "Jolly Blood Tree Massacre!" Back in my day, we HONORED the spirit of the Blood Trees. Kids these days, trying to be all "inclusive", skipping out on the annual sacrifice – SHAMEFUL!
— Lindsey Dorcus (@LindseyDorcus) November 27, 2018
We’ll need a song for the annual blood tree massacre, sing it with me now,
“I’m dreaming of a slashed Christmas, just like the ones I used to know, where the knives all glitter on bodies littered and blood flows in the moon glow.
“I’m dreaming of a slashed Christmas, where all the trees scream out in fright, may your hands be bloody at night, as you stalk young Xmas trees and bite.”
Remember, bee-vare the blood trees. Slovenia is adjacent to Transylvania.