I swear to God. If I ever get busted for shoplifting, and Rudy Droolingonmi is my court appointed defense attorney, I’m pleading guilty at the arraignment, and begging for the death penalty, rather than have to sit there and watch him bury me live in court.
I think that Trump likes having Giuliani around because he’s the only person on the planet that Trump can feel intellectually superior to. But at this particular time, and in these particular circumstances, i think Trump should prefer a guy who doesn’t give his boss the last rites every time he opens his mouth.
Let’s quickly recap the events of Thursday, and you’ll see what I mean. Late on Thursday evening CNN broke, and NBC News confirmed that Michael Cohen was willing to tell Robert Mueller that he was in a meeting with several other people in which Donnie Redux told Daddums about the Trump Tower meeting, and that Daddums approved. Within 2 hours, Ghouliani was on Cluster Fox, stating that Cohen had been a liar for so long that his mothers egg told the sperm “Not tonight, I have a headache.” Ghouliani knows this for a fact, because he contacted Don Jr, along with several other people, and they all told him it was bullshit.
Look, Trump has had a reputation as a micro manager since the day he hired his first employee. They don’t order paper clips without his approval. What was happening in June of 2016? Trump was putting the finishing touches on locking down the GOP nomination, and was already scheming with Paul Manafort about whip counting delegate votes at the convention. Along with that he’s planning rallies, working on messaging, coordinating travel, a hundred different things. And he made a summer stock production of how intimately his Satan’s Spawn were involved with the campaign on a daily basis. There were meetings up the wazoo.
So, with all of those meetings at the time, how did Giuliani know which freakin’ meeting to ask Don Jr about, and which several people to talk to? And if he asked Don Jr, how did Baby Donnie know which meeting Cohen was referring to, and exactly who the several other participants were for Giuliani to talk to? The Cohen report was totally bereft of any specifics regarding date, time, or place. Maybe because his mind instantly flashed to a particular meeting, when he opened his pie hole about the June 9th meeting? Something had to make one particular meeting stick out in his mind, otherwise, how could he possibly remember specific participants in one of what were countless meetings, all blending together?
Rudy the Rube shares a common habit with many feeble dotards like me, he never knows when to shut up. There was a simple, almost childishly easy and effective way for Giuliani to deal with this story. Go on FOX, and say that he had checked with Don Jr, and that he had confirmed that Don Jr had never spoken to his father about the meeting, in any setting. There was no one else to check with, since the event never occurred. Law 101: It’s fairly simple to prove that something specific occurred, but it’s nigh on impossible to prove that an event didn’t occur. Instead Rudy the Rube goes blathering on about checking with all of these mystery guests.
Rudy really romanced the collie on this one. Instead of tamping down the story, he gave it legitimacy, by indicating in his response that a specific meeting took place, and that Baby Trump and the participants dispute Cohen’s recollection of the meeting. And now all he has left to show for it is every media outlet throwing shine on his excuse, and openly speculating on how much both Donnie pere and Donnie clone might be in. And as long as Michael Cohen and Lanny Davis keep their mouths shut, maybe tweeting out something like #truthwillsetyoufree, this story just sits there, twisting in the wind, calling into doubt Trump’s legitimacy as President, his fondest wish.
So, if I’m the Cheeto Prohpet, and thank God I’m not, I’m wrapping Giuliani’s mouth with about 30 rolls of duct tape, and throwing him in the baggage car of the next train back to New York. Because, with a defense attorney like this, who needs a prosecutor?
A note from the author: If you enjoyed this article, you might also enjoy my books, including the brand new President Evil II: A Clodwork Orange. Get them at Amazon: